


they tell me I could be set free

by evenstar9



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Gen, Harry's just a baby but he's featured so I tagged him, Song: The Lament of Eustace Scrubb (The Oh Hellos), Songfic, a lot of it, also it's v short, but not an unhappy ending?, may I interest you in some melodramatic songfic about the tragedy of the marauders, this is old but I kinda love it?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22263589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evenstar9/pseuds/evenstar9
Summary: they'll come around. someday.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	they tell me I could be set free

_brother, forgive me_

Remus knew the moment he saw his old friend’s eyes that he had been gravely mistaken. There was guilt in the ragged man’s eyes – guilt that paradoxically proved his innocence. Sirius Black was reported to be a remorseless psychopath. If he was as mad as they said, if he had committed the crimes he was imprisoned for, he wouldn’t look so heart-wrenchingly self-loathing now. It hurt to see such a familiar emotion carved onto the other man’s face. Remus could recognize its every mark from looking at his own reflection. He wanted to crumble, but he steeled himself, as he did every other day. Sirius deserved that much from him, when he had failed him for these twelve long years of disbelief and hatred. The least Remus could do was be strong.

_I know that I have gone astray_

When Sirius laid eyes on his godson after all those years, he felt wretchedness instead of relief. All this time, the boy had been alone, because he had pursued Peter instead of caring for the child in front of him. Despite Hagrid’s proclamation that Harry was to live with the Muggles, he could have fought for the boy, or at least visited him. Commitment was terrifying though, and revenge was easier. Harry had grown into a boy ignorant of the wizarding world - and of anyone in either world who might care for him. Sirius looked at the desperate and brave young man before him and felt a sense of resolve even stronger than the one that had driven him after the rat so long ago. He was finally free to protect his godson, to _love_ him, and that was what he planned to do.

_‘cause when I saw my demons_

James’ world screeched to a halt in one moment that felt like an eternity. He met the blazing red eyes and knew he was looking his death in the face. He hoped his scream to Lily would be enough of a warning, but he knew it was the most he could do. Distantly it occurred to him that falling in a heap on his own doorstep seemed like an ignominious way to die, and he’d always been more of a blaze-of-glory type, but he’d have to make do. Time continued to slow, and he found himself looking curiously at Voldemort’s frail features. He wished he’d have the chance to tell someone about them – the fellow really was uglier even than his descriptions. But then maybe that was the imminent death speaking. Lily’s footsteps pounded on the stairs, and he hoped again that she had enough time. As the Dark Lord’s wand glowed green, that hope was his last coherent thought. All was quiet.

_I knew that I would welcome them_

Peter had never exactly intended to betray them all. Who does? When he saw the Dark Lord’s bloodshot glare, he merely seized his only chance of survival. The others resisted, but they’d regret it. He’d make them. When he encountered old Padfoot, raging and hurting like no one ever should in the middle of a Muggle street, he was almost delirious with joy. Now was his chance to be more than the expendable spare member of their group, that he was not to be thrown away when he ceased to be interesting. Prongs had already paid for his trust in their fourth member (never the second, or third, always the fourth), and Sirius was simply next in line. No – he hadn’t planned this betrayal, but as he scuttled away with his bleeding paw, Aurors closing in behind on his maniac of a former friend, he felt nothing but satisfaction.

_but I’ll come around_

Lily knew. As soon as she heard James’ body hit the floor, she knew she’d be quick to follow him. Through her tears, now coming hard and fast, she checked that Harry was sitting comfortably in his crib. She muttered instructions to him that he couldn’t possibly understand and told him that she loved him. She wished that that, at least, would be something he’d somehow remember.

When she turned to face the intruder, she couldn’t help but stare at the wand that had been her husband’s demise. She knew it would be hers, too, in a moment, but that didn’t seem particularly important when she thought of the child behind her. When the green light flashed, she didn’t even flinch – she was consumed by one thought, one hope, one plea. Not Harry. Not Harry. Not Harry.

At that moment, alone in a shattered house, not comprehending the carnage before him, the child was unaware of his mother’s dying wish – her last defiance of the darkness in his name. He might never have known of it, if it weren’t for the brand on his forehead that spoke more clearly of it than any words could. She had saved him not by fighting, not by strength, or by wits. She had saved him in love, the way he would one day save the world – and that, he couldn’t help but understand.

_someday_

**Author's Note:**

> this song, the lament of eustace scrubb, is one of my favorite songs by the oh hello's and it just captures the tragedy of these five young people perfectly  
> otherwise known as I get in my feelings and cry over some magic kids for a bit  
> (why all the lowercase? idk I'm feeling aesthetic tonight)
> 
> find me on tumblr at rainmakesyouwhole!


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